I disagree with this article. I am a mother of 4 and a college graduate, and I use spanking as a form of discipline. I have been complimented several times on my parenting and on my children. I see nothing wrong with spanking, as long as it is used appropriately. My children have not been traumatized nor their self-esteem been lowered by being spanked. On the contrary, spanking has helped (along with consistent and loving parenting) instill in them respect, obedience and self-control. They are all well-behaved, well-adjusted children. Contrary to what this article says about damaging a child's sense of security, I have found that it helps establish a clear sense of stability and security. By knowing what their boundaries are and what the conseqences will be for negative behavior, children feel secure and rooted and, therefore, flourish. There are parents who take corporal punishment to an extreme, where it becomes abusive. But not all spanking is wrong. Bottom line is there is not one right way to parent. Parenting styles vary. But, if parents choose to use spanking as a form of discipline, and do so responsibly and appropriately, they should not be made to feel like they are abusing their children.

I am a mom of five children and we do chose to spank as a last resort for open defiance. I'll be honest, I hate it! I hate having to punish my children when I know they know better. However, I feel if they are choosing to be disobedient then they are choosing the punishment. The "studies" may show that less educated parents spank their children, but do they also show whose children are better behaved?

I am a mother of 6 and I do agree with spanking. It is at the foundation of child rearing. I do side with those that agree spanking can be taken out of the rehelm of what it is really for. It should never be done out of anger and should always be accompianied with love, a reason given for the spanking and a hug when finished. If spanking was used prior to age 5 consistently, spankings should end around this age.
For those who never have spanked their children, you might not know the value in it. If carried out correctly it is one of the best ways for children to release their anger, yes children. God created pain for learning purposes too. "Don't touch a hot stove or you'll get burned". Pain releases a child's frustration and puts an end to that current consequence. It releases the child to "know" that their discipline is over.
It also aids in helping a child realize there will be pain involved in participating in that forbidden activity again. They will think twice about engaging in it.
If you knew there was pain involved in something, you would think twice about doing it, if you knew there was a "time out" of just sitting on a bench, then you might weigh the reasoning.
I work with many teenagers and you can tell the ones that were not spanked (for the most part).
Those that were spanked were more obedient to their parents, didn't talk back nearly as much, had more respect for adults in general. Those that didn't get spanked were mouthy to their own parents, were not respectful to other adults and were not really nice to be around. They didn't have many boundaries and were unruley. I know this may seem like a hard pill to swallow, but, this has been proven in my personal case studies.

As a mother of two with a degree in education, I find that spanking done in a consistent, loving environment produces well-adjusted kids who are free to explore and learn to their heart's content. This mild form of corporal punishment actually restores the relationship between child and parents after the child has been punished because spanking allows the child to truly acknowlege his actions and ask for forgiveness. If the parent is calm and not flying off in anger, the child is presented with the opportunity to deal with the disobedience and go on with all the hugging and kisses and cuddling to show how much love is there. In my experience, the daily hugs and kisses far outnumber the occasionally weekly spankings b/c we are communicating with our kids what they should be doing, not emphasizing what they should not be doing. In our house, we only give spankings for out right disobedience or disrespectfulness. If you can get through the hurdles of the two and three year old assertion of independence and use it for a teaching time of what is expected of their behavior, spankings will just be an occasional tool to teach consequences

I can tell just by observing children, which child is spanked, these children are more aggressively outward with peers. Most doctors, councilors, teachers,psychologist and child development professionals can quickly spot children in a store, who come from a home where spanking is first form of punishment. I don't want to be hit by anyone, why should I want that for my child? I spanked my oldest twice when she was a child and I didn't like how it made me feel, my second child never got spanked ever. Children don't like telling other children their parents spank, I've had children cry to me that they are spanked and they get emotionally upset and break down with just the thought of it. Not even the dog whisper "Cesar Millan" uses corporal punishment on his dogs! Are children lesser than dogs? I don't condone men hitting wives, children,animals or anyone who can't hit back or leave ... I broke the cycle of spanking with my first child --even though it was twice--it was twice too much! I don't want others spanking my child, if I don't want others spanking my child then I should not be hypocrite and do it in my own abode. Children need quite times on the couch to gently cool them down thus bringing their negative behavior to a calm state. *think of it as rebooting the computer* For the women/men that spank, they need to take classes in college "Behavior Management For Children & Teens* also read these web sites... Your children will be upset with you for spanking them when little, it will surface in their 30's or 40's and at that time they will let you know how they really felt and some might not even let you watch your future grand children--in fear you might spank their children. I've raised 4 children and I'm in my 50's.

Spanking is bad, period.

And although experts have provided ample evidence to backup their claims that spanking is bad, many parents like the ones below still choose to hit their children.

How can anyone spank their child with love ? This is totally outrageous. If you love your child, then it must be unconditional -not seasonal. If your child is : throwing a tantrum, screaming in the store, hitting other kids, swearing, throwing things, etc,etc, then it is most probably because of some action or behaviour they copied from you, or wathcing WWF, or in their immediate environment. So if your child has done something wrong, then you cannot hit them, because in most cases, you are to blame. So you are the one who needs the spanking !

And it's not only uneducated parents who spank their children, so-called "college educated" are just as guilty. These dim parents think that because they were spanked as kids, then they should now do the same to their kids ? This should never be the case. Parents today need to understand that in the past, most parents (and society in general) did not possess the understanding and knowledge of child psychology that we have today. So it makes sense that we need to evaluate lessons from the past and look at how we can improve forthe future.

I was spanked as a child and it really hurt me inside. Today, I am 40 yrs old and this pain has recently come back to haunt me. I can assure you, its not a good feeling. Many times it brings me to tears when I relive those moments. I feel so helpless. I think about how I used to cower away in my "safespot" after by spankings. It always left me scared and afraid.

I have two children today. A girl and a boy, ages 12 and 9 respectively. I have never spanked them or beated them in anyway because I wanted the cycle to stop with me.
My children are simply wonderful and are stars at home and in school. I hope one day they will take some of the positive parenting that I used and combine them with their own values and ideas when they become parents. I believe that every parent should do this - take some of the good (if any) from their parents - and improve on this. In this way, we not only evolve and improve our parenting skills, but we improve as humans.

Dale Phillip
Port Elizabeth,
South Africa

I am a retired 63 year old former Marine, Business manager and coach. I now volunteer helping with 6th and 8th grade math. The teachers today have no chance to teach most kids because they're busy trying to keep controlled the few who will not listen, will not be quiet and are physically disruptive. In most cases those are the kids who have never been disciplined; their parents have either ignored them, or worse, made excuses for them when confronted by authorities. My child did not act like that because they did allow corporal punishment when he was in school and if he was spanked there he had to face me at home. Disrespect and insubordination was not allowed.
Now the teacher must accept that disrespect and insubordination because there is no immediate consequence for the child. The fact that they may drop out of school and live in poverty is too abstract. So the teacher sends them to the office, the office sends them to the counselor, (which is paid for my my tax dollars) and the counselor tells them to be good and go back to class. Nothing accomplished. In the mean time the children without discipline problems are short-changed in what they are being taught because the teachers time and the districts resources are being diverted to take care of kids who wont listen. Corporal punishment, not abuse, can correct a lot of this. I've seen it first hand. If you havent been in your local school and seen it firsthand you really cant appreciate the problem.

I can't say I have a firm position on this debate. The experts have good points, and the parents who spanked and have well-adjusted kids have good points.

I will say this, though: I got spanked and I appreciate the way my mother did it. When we got spanked, we KNEW we had exhausted our chances. It was a predictable consequence, we knew it was coming because we had been TOLD and TOLD to change our behavior -- and warned that this would be the outcome if we did not heed her. She did NOT just grab us and beat our butts as an outlet to her anger. She took it seriously, did it infrequently, and used it as part of a graduated, predictable discipline process, and then talked to us about it. Also, we were spanked just hard enough to get our attention, not to injure or leave marks.
I don't resent her for it, I don't feel abused. The way she set it up, I am very clear that I was the agent of getting spanked on the few occasions it happened. Maybe 5-8 times in my entire childhood. I was warned; I persisted; I got what I was told was coming.

I think this is the difference. I do NOT endorse spanking as a physical outlet to parental anger, an excuse to yank your kids around and hit them because you're frustrated. But I DO endorse a way to teach kids that you will reap the consequences of your actions. If spanking works for that (and all families and kids are different) then I don't have a problem with it. I also don't endorse teachers spanking; studies show that people are more likely to abuse or overpunish kids that are not their own. (This includes step-parents, so some caution is in order there, too.)

Anyway, the results of my mom's system: people complimented her that we were well-behaved kids. They wanted to be around us. We got good reviews in school. Teachers liked us. We got good grades. We grew up understanding that we were responsible for holding up our end of the bargain. It worked for us.

I'm not saying that it's appropriate to all families or all types of kid personalities. I'm not saying that parents should present themselves as all-powerful, or endorse violence as a solution to anger (again, Mom didn't spank when she was angry; she got very serious and explained why it was happening). But I also have yet to be convinced that it's always a bad idea -- or that outsiders should presume they know what works best for everyone without taking time to understand the dynamics of a particular family. It's complicated, and there are no easy answers. I think that's why it's such a long-standing and potent debate; there isn't a blanket answer that's appropriate for everyone, despite people's strong emotional feelings about it.

1)"My parents spanked me and I'm fine with it."
Parents do all kinds of things that aren't the best way to handle a situation, without a terribly negative outcome. That doesn't automatically mean that it's a good idea. Stacie's mom sounds like a 'good' spanker, if you can use the term; but frankly, most parents aren't that consistent or controlled. Nor, again, does it mean that there aren't any better ways to discipline.

2) I really, really hate the 'touch the stove and you'll get burned' rationale. You can drive a boat show through the holes in this comparison. The stove is not a human being. It is never going to be angry, or drunk, or upset. It is never going to misjudge distance or force. And most importantly, the child does not love the stove and will never associate violence or pain or indignity with love.

We live in a society with out-of-control violence, and I'm not talking about crime and drugs and gangs; I'm talking about husbands hitting wives and kids and girlfriends, and it escalating until someone is maimed or dead. If you hit kids, however you rationalize it, you are teaching them that hitting's okay if you're the bigger one. We are ALL paying the price for it, and it's time to stop. If you can't figure out how to teach your kids right from wrong, or keep them safe without hitting them, you need to swallow your pride and talk to your pediatrician about better ways to discipline.

Using physical pain is a terrible way to raise a child. No form of punishment should involve hitting or spanking with a hand or any object. This is child abuse and those who abuse their children should be ashamed of themselves. I take pitty on the child who has to endure being hit by his/her parents.