There are so many gray areas that aren't addressed in this "fantasy idea" of what being a non-custodial father is like. My son was born out of wedlock and, by default, I'm forced to the periphery of his life. His mother has serious psychiatric issues and I'm forced to pay thousands of dollars in court costs and fees to MAYBE have the chance at giving my baby boy a good life. An irresponsible, jobless, carless woman living off of the state and ripping two children (my son and her daughter) from state-to-state, city-to-city, to live with whichever family member willing to take her in next because she's largely irresponsible and immature somehow has a better chance at retaining custody of our son than I have when I've got a career and lifelong accomplishments; morals and values; an education and a reliable family....above all a GOOD heart. I love my son, and I refuse to step back because the system just expects us fathers to take a quiet seat while our dreams for our children are stomped on and write blank checks to irresponsible mothers. It's a shame, 3 months into my son's life and I'm already a bitter and biased father thanks to a greatly flawed system. I'd like to know my son is safe sleeping under my roof. Instead, I feel like he'll grow up never really knowing who his father is: which would be a tragedy. Weekends and holidays aren't enough for my son, he NEEDS me in his life. While your article offers hope, I fear it's unrealistically optimistic depending on the type of woman the mother is. In our case, we were never married and never in love. It's unfortunate, but it is so. My son shouldn't have to suffer because of that fact.

It is sad that you are only the ATM. Joint Legal Custody is a joke when the ex goes in and whines and plays the oh poor welfare me card.Mediation the kind we had anyway was a joke too and gave the ex false hope that we could work things out and get back together after 4 years of separation because they made me write nice things about her or they were gonna cancel the mediation. Why enable them. All parents in divorced or never married situations should have to work to support their half of the childs income or they should lose custody or child support. The laws and way the court does things needs to be r-evaluated in this day and time when NCP's want to be more hands on and less of a walking checkbook. Show the same rights to both sides. We went to court and were told had she shown up she would have served 8 days in jail for withholding visitation.Was told in a court order to get a lawyer. I did and she was excused from her contempt because I had a few extra days god forbid with my child in the summer. The law is not set to protect the best interest of the child or that of the NCP it is to protect the Best interest of the Custodial Parent.

The father has to pay child support and see the children as little as possible. It is true statistically that due to the ex, the non-custodial father will lose all time with his kids in 3-4 years due to parental alienation or the mother deciding to move "out of town for career reasons." The best thing for the father - cut them loose and pay the support. The best thing for the kids, to not see their father AT ALL after the divorce, because otherwise you are prolonging aggravation and heartache. I've seen it too many times. This is the best advice I can give. Rog