I appreciated reading that article.
i relate to dar somewhat more than these other girls but i do appreciate the advice of just saying "we'll talk about this later when you can be civil". also, I think as much as the girls don't want us to be uncool, we have to be careful to not cross the line. they need to be just a little more cool than mom. however, i am struggling with mean behavior and back talk. i want my daughter to express herself freely, but when she becomes mean to me or members of our family-except Dad, am i allowed to draw the line? she has flat out said she doesn't respect me, she doesn't need me, she hates me. but two days later it will be over, kind of like she was in an alcoholic black out when she was just being mean. i'm still stinging and she is over it. how is a parent supposed to respond to that fairly and in a dignified manner? My daughter is almost 14.

im a 14 yr old teen myself and i can understand where your daughters coming from...
we dont like when parents bossus around or shout at us or anything
and its not fair when the parents do them stuff because if we do it to the parents we get given out to us loads and if we say but ye said this or ye did this and they just tel us to stop acting stupid
i hate my mum because im always with her i talk my dad into lettin me get stuff and he talks my mum into letin me get them to.
if you think back parents werent goody tu shoes either when they were young..
every teen acts snobby and we think were better than every one else..we always demand stuff we want...
parents should think when their tellin their child to do this and that..because we dont give out to them and say their stupid well some do but and when we say it its ok for parents to give out to us.. all im saying is teens need their space in life and to be able to do what they want and not have their parents telling them what to do we need to live our lives and make our own descicions if we make mistakes well come to you if we cant fix them just be there for us.. i wish my parents would be like that . that they dont care where i am or what im doing or if i get into trouble..it will be us thats sorry when were older not ye..and we have to start making these decisions on what we want to do in life without ye nagging us or anythin and sayin no you cant do this or why did you do this your grounded..because its us thats going to be here in the futue not ye

This all sounds wonderful, and as an educator, I try all of this, but my daughter's respect for me is nil--with offensive language, attempts to bully me into doing things for her, manipulation of circumstances--e.g., "drive me to a friend's" becomes we are picking up that friend and taking her to the beach when it was not communicated. (I was supposed to go grocery shopping). And when I call her on it, she says I am "yelling" even if I speak in a low voice. Anything she does not want to hear is perceived as "yelling", but then how do I teacher her limits? For example, she misses the bus due to her own tardiness, which impacts me because I have to drive her. I tell her I will drive her across the highway, but that she must walk a few blocks so that I will not get stuck in the school traffic that will delay me and make me late for school. She thinks that makes me "selfish." I consider it a "consequence" of being late.