This all sounds wonderful, and as an educator, I try all of this, but my daughter's respect for me is nil--with offensive language, attempts to bully me into doing things for her, manipulation of circumstances--e.g., "drive me to a friend's" becomes we are picking up that friend and taking her to the beach when it was not communicated. (I was supposed to go grocery shopping). And when I call her on it, she says I am "yelling" even if I speak in a low voice. Anything she does not want to hear is perceived as "yelling", but then how do I teacher her limits? For example, she misses the bus due to her own tardiness, which impacts me because I have to drive her. I tell her I will drive her across the highway, but that she must walk a few blocks so that I will not get stuck in the school traffic that will delay me and make me late for school. She thinks that makes me "selfish." I consider it a "consequence" of being late.

Wow. That's my reality also. I listen without judging, I encourage individuality, I offer rides and entertainment, I provide favorite foods...but still...I'm "not fun".."not trendy"...make stupid comments, yell, "need to relax"...look at her too much, etc. etc.....Help!!!

im a 14 yr old teen myself and i can understand where your daughters coming from...
we dont like when parents bossus around or shout at us or anything
and its not fair when the parents do them stuff because if we do it to the parents we get given out to us loads and if we say but ye said this or ye did this and they just tel us to stop acting stupid
i hate my mum because im always with her i talk my dad into lettin me get stuff and he talks my mum into letin me get them to.
if you think back parents werent goody tu shoes either when they were young..
every teen acts snobby and we think were better than every one else..we always demand stuff we want...
parents should think when their tellin their child to do this and that..because we dont give out to them and say their stupid well some do but and when we say it its ok for parents to give out to us..

all im saying is teens need their space in life and to be able to do what they want and not have their parents telling them what to do we need to live our lives and make our own descicions if we make mistakes well come to you if we cant fix them just be there for us.. i wish my parents would be like that . that they dont care where i am or what im doing or if i get into trouble..it will be us thats sorry when were older not ye..and we have to start making these decisions on what we want to do in life without ye nagging us or anythin and sayin no you cant do this or why did you do this your grounded..because its us thats going to be here in the futue not ye

I was recently inspired to write this book when I heard a conversation my friend and her mom were having, and thought about the misunderstandings that happen ALL the time between teens and their parents. ... Hi my name is Malia. I am 16 years old and I just finished my first eBook. Both my parents are communications specialists and I have learned from them and want to help teens get along better with their parents. Check out my website to learn more. Thanks Malia Rock
http://www.MaliaRock.com

I appreciated reading that article.
i relate to dar somewhat more than these other girls but i do appreciate the advice of just saying "we'll talk about this later when you can be civil". also, I think as much as the girls don't want us to be uncool, we have to be careful to not cross the line. they need to be just a little more cool than mom. however, i am struggling with mean behavior and back talk. i want my daughter to express herself freely, but when she becomes mean to me or members of our family-except Dad, am i allowed to draw the line? she has flat out said she doesn't respect me, she doesn't need me, she hates me. but two days later it will be over, kind of like she was in an alcoholic black out when she was just being mean. i'm still stinging and she is over it. how is a parent supposed to respond to that fairly and in a dignified manner? My daughter is almost 14.

so we had this talk with our daughter, set down some guidlines-which it seems like we are constantly adjusting but trying to remain consistent. it was good. i got a hug. i haven't heard "I love you" in a good year or so, but i got a hug. it's just so hard to remember to not parent using emotions. you have to parent with logic and a little bit of gut and that is a trait i'm working on since my own mom didn't parent with logic but with control so i don't have a lot to go on. i also have to remember to stay away in the morning, a rule my husband and i used to follow when we were first co-habitating. anyway, we'll see how it goes.

I thought I was going to read a good article on parenting a teen daughter. The title was misleading to say the least. Is this a single mother website?????

My daughter had perfect report cards during elementary school, and teachers did not complain or recommended she be tested for ADHD, but now that she is in high school, she resists studying and appears to have difficulty focusing.

I can't tell if her lack of interest is due to ditractions she choses or if her frustration studying is making her distracted.

Show I have her tested? Or, if this is something physiological should it already ahve been spotted?

Thanks

My daughter is 16 and everything is an argument. I have tried several different approaches. She curses at me and manipulates me to get her way. I get so upset. She never considers my feelings and I stay in a bad mood. She likes bad boys and refuses to date decent guys that are in highschool. I just feel so overwhelmed and about ready to pull my hair out. I am praying for graduation! HELP!!!!!!!

Your child and my child sound identical. Wow...I am about ready to lose my mind. It amazes me how much she disrepsects me. "Everyone is so stupid" all the time. I drive her to friends' houses that I don't really like all that well just to get peace. I am so overwhelmed. My husband doesn't really know what to do or he plays that card really well. I don't know which. Gees...I just hope somewhere along the line it gets better!