I am the mother of 5 teenagers ranging from 19-13 3 boys 2 girls. As of right now they are thankfully all drug free, my oldest is a HS graduate and holds a very good full time job, the others are all doing well, but I believe this is partially due to the fact that they had a clear understanding that it is my #1 job to be nosy and if I was given any reason to snoop nothing was sacred. I believe you should trust your children and back them until they have proven to be untrustworthy and when (not if) that happens they need to earn your trust back. Sometimes we as parents need to treat our children like they are smart people, let them know that your anger comes from a place of disappointment and fear. Be realistic and help them learn from their mistakes it is there job to make them and our job to help them learn from them. Unfortunately you can only prevent some of them. I have also
learned that if you want your child to be open with you, you have to be prepared to hear what they have to say some of it you will not like, but if they can trust you to listen (not always judge) they will keep the libes open. Sorry so long winded. If you have or know a teen with a drug problem who wants help I found a great blog with an online 30 day program (1 of my sond friends from HS has a problem and his parents asked for my help) since I have counseled before.
The blog is at:
opiatewithdrawalfacts.blogspot.com Thank you

I cannot help myself to follow my daughter around the house when she is talking on her mobile phone. I am constantly prying for some comment so I can attack her. I have no trust in her at all and think that she is always doing bad things behind my back. I have caught her and her friends lying and know that she continue's to lie to me and my husband about boys, friends etc. She is 11 and a half but is very very advanced for her age. She started menstruating at age 10 already and acts like a 14 year old. I am having great difficulty in accepting this and turn into a shouting mom every chance I get. Is this normal for me to be feeling like this or do I need to cut some slack ?

I feel awful...I invaded my sons privacy yesterday. About 6 months a ago, he got into some trouble with the local police. I cant shake the feeling of getting a call from him(while he was sitting in the back of a police car)asking me to come and get him. I did,and long story short, he made amends and no charges were ever brought up against him and his friends. Thank God...I explained to him that it was going to take me a long time to trust him again. I was in constant contact with one of the other moms with whom I am friends with and her son was also involved. Between the two of us we found pills,pot, and evidence of drinking. Now, I know that some teens experiment with all kinds of things, but...as far as trust, I still snoop, I admit it. And I am happy to report that my son has not given me any reason to doubt that that is in the past for now. And then theres myspace...Thats another story for another time. I do have to admit that I should ave been an investagter?, cause I am pretty good at it. The world is a very scary place for teens and parents. I will try to back off and give him some space. But I do this only because I care. I know he doesnt think that now, but maybe someday he will.