You have a second chance at life. My spouse and I have been separated for 14 years now. I have no idea where he is, but we both know by now a divorce is in order. He has moved on with his life and so have I. We basically need closure. Prior to separation, we didn't get along, we have different interests, different views on just about everything. Not even sure how we agreed to get married and have children. Go figure! lol. Don't look at divorce as the end of the world. It might seem that way for the first good year, but believe me it gets a lot easier. I've decided to go through a company that will handle the divorce for me without a lawyer. Basically they do the paperwork and I'll print, file and sign. http://www.divorce4her.com/testimonies.html. Good luck to anyone that going through the beginning stages, the pain will soon subside.

Sue

If over 50% of marriages end in divorce why are people getting married? What is the advantage to marriage? Marriage makes everything neat. Assuming we have two people who contribute to society getting married and they in turn produce off spring who in turn contribute to society then the idlyic picture develops well, but that doesn't happen.

Instead of staying in a relationship that doesn't work, we get to dissolve that agreement. I prefer and I am thankful that I can now example to my children a loving relationship, rather than, osmotically teaching them how to sustain a bad relationship.

The root cause of our failing matrimonial bonds may be linked to our failed state of self knowledge, but that's another topic.

My question is how do you get through the divorce. My husband of 5 years and we have 5 children has told me he is not in love with me anymore and we need to get a divorce. We have been seperated for the the last year and in that year he has not left me alone he always tells me he loved me and would appear in places he knew I would be. Now he has stopped and wants a divorce What do I do?

Divorce is a very serious event in your life. Although for better for worst, we still have...divorce. When my husband told me he wanted a divorce, it was after we had spent an entire week together, away from the kids. Had the most fun of our lives, traveling the slopes. I thought everything was wonderful! If you ask me, he might have wanted to renew our vows, lol. Completely the opposite. We got back home after an amazing weekend and he sits me down and tells, me. He had a great time but he wants a divorce. That was the WORST feeling ever. Why was I not good enough? I stayed depressed, no shower, no combing hair, no nothing for about 3 months. My family made me get up and get out. I am now doing so much better. It's been almost a year and I can see that my life is going to be so much better without him. Don't worry, just go with the flow, things will get better as time pass. It's not YOU. Remember that. NOT YOU!!

Sandy

Marriage is a true test of the entire anatomy. It takes a toll on you. Especially when its not a very good toll. I was married for 5 years and my hubby seemed to be my prince in shining armor, UNTIL..we had our son Joshua. The man literally changed overnight. He had never indicated to me in the 7 years of dating, that he never wanted to have kids. I couldn't believe it. He never came home, he left me at the hospital, never came to pick us up, he began to be abusive to us both. I decided I had to leave. My aunt referred me to the divorce4her do it yourself service. My divorce paperwork WAS done in no time and I was divorced shortly thereafter. No lawyer and didn't have to see my spouse. I'd say it's an amazing option to prevent a huge legal battle.

Deedee

I can say that what happens in most marriages in the world today is we try to change each other when we should change our own selfs first. We have to many expectations on our spouse's and not even seeing how we affect them in so many ways.Most of us bring up past hurts,relationships,visions,mindsets and much more.Most of us live in a deappreciation room were we see only bad things that our spouse don't do instead of living in the appreciation room and seeing the good things they do for us. It does take two when a marriage ends. When we totally take a look at one's self we may see clearly the problem may be in us not just in our spouse.Actions speak louder than words and the actions I confess have been unloving,critical,angry,resentful& disrespectful to our spouse many times. When divorce is mention in your relationship don't blame each other no more stop and look at yourself and let God fix and mend your relationship stop hating your spouse so much they are no different than you are we all came from God and we will all return to God in the end. Believe In God and PRAY, PRAY,PRAY God will never leave you or forsake you this may even be a test to see what you will do and how much you will trust in God. I am living proof God is real in my marriage,my husband left me twice and even messed up bad with someone else and I forgave him twice we all struggle we all have problems and we all need love and sometimes it takes even what we did our selfs in the past or even in our marriages that we all have sin in our lifes and need God to trust in. See I am no different than my spouse for if I am without sin in my life what gives me the right to look at the sin in my spouse's life and once I could see this I was able to look past what my spouse did or doesn't do. Every marriage is different and only God know what goes on behind close doors. Their is nothing I haven't suffered with my spouse I mean nothing and just because I have suffered so many things it has made me stronger and given me a change to see what I am doing and not judge what my spouse is doing. God will take care of your spouse don't try and fix them because remember we all have darkness within us and we all have been at one time or another where our spouse has been. We are not perfect thats why God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins because God knew we would not be able not to sin so thats why we need to ask God to forgive us our sins and ask him to come into our hearts and into our lifes. God loves everyone and he loves you. I still struggle today but I count is all joy because I know God will heal me and our marriage. Have faith Sue

Divorce is because one party is selfish and doesn't have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Love for a marriage isn't just a feeling - and if you think it is, please don't marry.

I think more people should get premarital counseling, and have to make up their own vows - writing out what that means to them.

It's about tolerance, self sacrifice, commitment and perserverence.
It's not about keeping the house, having body changes or illness, abuse or fickle "happiness" chasing.
If people revered marriage as a third party and a priviledge, to be taken care of - lots of things would change. Or gave it to Christ.

We live in the least tolerant, patient, dedicated, "now" society - and the toll is the breakdown of our countries because families don't stay together.
Lack of community and support, including accountability, responsibility and exclusion or aloneness allow horrible things to happen in the place that is supposed to be the safest.

But in saying that - marriage is not a reason or a cover for all things - it is meant to be a gift and an honourable position in keeping our society strong.

I truly believe, in most cases, getting divorced brings financial and emotional hardship (loss of spouse's income, custody issues) that is equivalent to the pain and suffering one has to endure in an unhappy marriage. Which brings me to the conclusion that getting divorced does not necessarily get rid of stress and tension in a person's life, sometimes it just compounds it. As long as I stay married, I
a) get to parent my children every day that I choose
b) do not have to get a full time job
c) get to live in my home where i want to raise my children (I could not afford to otherwise)
d) can always hope.
One day we may get along, perhaps when the kids are older and need less of my physical energy to sustain them. One day, when the kids are in full time school perhaps i can work full time and reduce some of our financial stress. One day, we might be able to afford to eat out more and employ a housecleaner so I do not always do these things by myself. One day my husband might have less stress himself and actually want to talk to me about something real (not the weather or other small talk). One day, I really hope we can begin to appreciate one another, and focus on putting our marriage first.

Here is my situation I met my husband two years ago this week. We got married last October and separated In Feb. Things started really going bad when I started asking about his taxes and how we wanted to file this year. He finally came out and told me he has not paid or filed in six years. That was the first lie. Then I found out he was doing cocaine every so often but never around me. One day in February he said he was done and just packed his stuff and left out of the house we rented. I was devastated and didn't know what to do so I moved in with my mom. Well they I got all depressed because we went through this great big wedding and I loved my husband so much I just wanted to fix it but he wanted a divorce due to are money problems. He has now been going to rehap for the drugs and quit due to not passing a drug test at work. He says he still loves me but does not want to get back together. We didn't even go through any marriage counseling. Well in the meantime I met this great guy and things were getting to crowded at my mothers he offered to let me and my daughter which is from another relationship stay at his house. This man is a really good man but about 11 years older then me. My husband was really upset and asked how I could do this in a short period of time. I was in mourning and hurting so much and this new guy was pretty much helping me get through this hard time. But I still love my husband so much should I move back in with my mother and try working things out with my husband even know he still says he is not sure he wants to get back together. Specially after I been with someone else? I'm so confused he left me and my daughter with no where to live or no where to go and he hurt my whole family. And said he did this because of are money problems. I cant keep hurting this new man because I still love my husband. He really knows what I been through with my husband and he is not trying to keep me from working things out with him. He says he loves me and I think I love him but not as much as I love my husband. I just got married last Oct we were married only 4 months before he took off on me....should I just go through this divorce and be done with it.....Any advise out there....