Inherited bad habit of child bottom-slapping vs. DISCIPLINE: Just a few of those with ALOT of experience raising children, who are trying to raise awareness of the difference between legitimate DISCIPLINE and the inherited bad habit of child buttock-battering: American Academy of Pediatrics, American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Center For Effective Discipline, PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals, Churches' Network For Non-Violence, Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps, The LDS Church (succinct info, see http://education.byu.edu/youcandothis/spanking.html Click on "Quotes on Spanking), Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children, United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Child bottom-slapping is against the law in 26 countries, with more in the process, as the US was the only UN member that didn't ratify the convention. Why would one choose child buttock-battering over learning how to DISCIPLINE? I agree with you that the EXAMPLE of the parent, and their MODELING proper behavior is very important. All the more reason not to teach them that bottom-slapping is OK. I agree with those already listed who teach that child bottom-slapping teaches kids its OK to behave in this way (as long as its done in a "controlled manner", "not done in anger", "is done in private", etc). Good read: NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

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-My parents smoked with me in the same room, I never developed asthma.-My parents never used a car seat, and I am safe and sound today.- All the rooms of my house were painted with lead-based paint and I never developed neurological problems. Does that mean these things were the best of ideas, or were my parents just unaware of the dangers?

As a mother of two adult sons (who by the way have such a commitment themselves to the well-being of young children that they have CHOSEN to be a preschool children & elementary school teacher!)I am greatly saddened that there are parents who STILL choose to "spank" (hit!)their children in the "name of discipline"!(not to mention the whole "spare the rod...biblical connection?! Do you REALLY think Jesus would "approve" of parents hurting their own flesh & blood in ANY way?!") I have taught preschool/elem. age children for over fifteen years (which is the time period when the majority of spanking occurs!) and I KNOW immediately the ones who are spanked (smacked faces, hands, etc.) by their parents shortly after they enter my classroom! awaken15 post said it well when she wrote "children who are spanked are more aggressively outward with peers!" Amen! When adults are FORCEFUL in their interactions with young children, the children MUST react! If that child doesn't want to be interacted with forcefully (spanked, hit, yelled out, etc.) by their parent....they will sometimes "squelch" their response (so to speak) AT THAT MOMENT IN TIME....but, guess what? That is why the teachers are experiencing SO MUCH aggressive behavior in our schools! REMEMBER(!)that (child's) "response" to the force (spanking, yelling, etc.) MUST be released at some point! Children (unconsciously) often "release it" on unsuspecting (undeserving!) "other" adults (if they feel it is "safe" to do so...like teachers for instance who AREN'T going to hit them!)...and/or their peers for sure! Haven't we ALL heard about the young boys who were born to "controlling" aggressive mothers who would not have DARED to challenge her as a small child out of FEAR, but would couldn't wait to grow up and "get even" with her BY TAKING OUT THEIR (in most cases unconscious) PAIN ON THEIR GIRLFIREND...WIFE...AND THEIR OWN CHILDREN!!When a previous blogger IN FAVOR OF SPANKING wrote: "Spanking is a NATURAL CONSEQUENCE..." REALLY?!!! Hmmm...I AGREE THAT YOU WANT AND NEED TO "TRAIN" YOUR CHILDREN IN NATURAL CONSEQUENCES....that IS REALITY and "prepares them for real life as adults--for every choice we make in life, THERE IS A CONSEQUENCE!" BUT!!... let me see...as an adult, when the parent who wrote that blog makes a mistake ("or in a child's world is "bad"), SOMEONE OUGHT TO HIT HER AS A "NATURAL CONSEQUENCE"?!! Great training for a child???!!! No wonder we have SO many cases of ABUSED WIVES...AND ABUSIVE HUSBANDS!! Thankfully, some people ARE in touch enough with their childhood pain that they (possibly through professional intervention) BREAK THE CYCLE of spanking (or ANY type of physical pain) in their own parenting! Unfortunately, many people who THEMSELVES WERE SPANKED AS A CHILD, NEED TO BELIEVE THAT "IT WAS O.K. FOR THEIR OWN PARENTS TO DO IT TO THEM" so as to NOT HAVE TO REALLY LOOK AT THEIR OWN PAIN AND RECONCILE THEIR FEELINGS ABOUT IT WITHIN THEMSELVES (AND/OR DIRECTLY WITH THEIR PARENTS!). Some people don't "challenge" their own history of being spanked as a child in order to NOT to "have to do the work involved in finding ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO DISCIPLINE...consequently "striking out at their child (as was done to them)in their moments of upset, disapproval, etc." For those of us who DID choose to end the cycle of spanking or ANY use of physical force on our own children, I can relate to the previous blogger's comment about NOT! allowing those grandparents to watch HER children (grandchildren). How sad!! I TOO was in that position with my parents (who SADLY I lost BOTH to cancer within the past three years!) They babysat my two sons only THREE times when they were little (when there were NO alternatives if my husband and I were to go)....and YES! my youngest son shared with me afterwards (and spoke about at the time of his grandmother's death)how "she swatted him on the butt for something he did (at three years old) that [filtered word]ed her off when he was staying with her". To be fair, I must say she had ALWAYS DEFENDED her spanking, smacking, etc. mothering with me & my siblings when criticizing MY (as she saw it) too lax (conversational) GENTLE style of parenting my sons. AND...she had always prewarned me that "if I left the boys in her care and they misbehaved, she would DO IT HER WAY when disciplining them!" Consequently, my sons missed out on the every weekend(!)FABULOUS childhood one-on-memories (like sleep overs) I remember of my own "mamaw" (grandmother). What children CRAVE from their parents more than ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD is their UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!! Young children are amazing observers...but lousy interpreters of things they're not old enough to understand! When you are punitive with your child for making (age-appropriate)"mistakes", they CANNOT separate your DISAPPROVAL OF THEIR BEHAVORIAL CHOICE from your DISAPPROVAL OF THEM AS A PERSON! Your way of handling their "bad behavior" is CRUCIAL TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR SELF-ESTEEM!! Please BE GENTLE WITH THEIR SELF-ESTEEM...once BROKEN, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT AND SOMETIMES IMPOSSIBLE TO REPAIR LATER IN LIFE!! Instead..."BE" a ROLE-MODEL for them of what it is "YOU WANT THEM TO BE!"...always! LISTEN! (no really!) LISTEN TO WHAT THEY WANT TO TELL YOU WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE!(and I promise you they will "tell you things" as teenagers that maybe "you don't WANT to know...but NEED to know" to really be able to HELP THEM!...rather than turning to their (immature) peers!) YES! DO DELIVER REASONABLE CONSEQUENCES WHEN APPROPRIATE...BUT REMEMBER(!) TO DELIVER THOSE GENTLY(!) TOO, SO THAT YOU DON'T BRING UP THE (NATURAL) RESISTANCE IN YOUR CHILD...and so that they TRULY HAVE A WHAT OCCURRED BE A "LEARNING OPPORTUNITY" for them....not just caught up in their [filtered word]ed offedness and miss the "lesson"! And KNOW that you CAN raise FABULOUS children (even in these hard times!) WITHOUT EVER HAVING TO "SHOW THEM WHO IS BOSS" by way of using PHYSICAL FORCE!! They WILL THANK YOU(!), (as my sons did on several occasions) as ADULTS and hopefully even give you the PRIVELEGE OF SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR GRANDCHILDREN IN THE FUTURE! P.S...Are you an "ENLIGHTED PARENT"?...I invite you to "lighten up" and truly ENJOY your "everyday miracle"...your child!

Response to TM8634: Not being judgmental or finger-pointing or accusing, just offering some useful info. I actually like that you're pointing out a major problem with the education in public schools, in that they teach all about math, history, and science but never ways in which to handle what every person in society is going to experience: family life, community life, etc. I even read a book by "Dr. Phil", in which he mentioned this issue: "Its like being strapped into a 7-47 with no previous training, and then saying 'good luck, see ya later'". Parenting is a heavy-duty job!